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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive? A: Because she's dead."

"What do you call it when flu season comes early? Premature inoculation."

"I'll give you $10 if you divide it by a half and give it back..."

"Why did the fencer downvote my latest submission? It was a Riposte."

"I got into a fight against three people earlier and managed to knock one out... In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best time to masturbate."

"[At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? ""Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."""

"I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone."

"The Victoria's Secret models should use their wings to fly to a food source."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Break that faggots spine."

"I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position Apparently that's ""misconduct"" for a special needs teacher."