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Joke of the Day

"*shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife."

"An 89 is just a 69 with a fat chick."

"Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat."

"Q: Did you hear about the peanut in the hospital? A: He was assaulted."

"So Donald Trump is only getting $1 a year as president? You could probably get an immigrant to do a better job for a cheaper price."

"I just found out diarrhea is genetic... It runs in your genes."

"Every time I click ""Remember Me"" on a login page, I get a little sad thinking about my fleeting existence... ...But some cookies would brighten my day! Disclaimer: Made this joke up just now."

"So a centaur walks into a bar The bartender says, ""Hey, how's the sore throat?"" The centaur replies, ""My throat isn't horse but my legs are."""

"The real miracle is that the human race still exists after being stupid enough to kill the guy who could turn water into wine... Idiots."

"Oh look what the cat dragged in [cat drags in dead body] Cat: quick we need 20lbs of lye and two shovels"