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Joke of the Day

"Women order the fuck out of coffee. ""Give me a chocolate mocha latte with 3 sugars, 2 Splendas, 4 elf pubes and 2 grams of pixie dust."""

"My friend's dog eats anything and everything. She told me that he was a bottomless Pit...I dunno. He looks more like a Boxer to me."

"The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like."

"How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol? Invite two of them."

"Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel."

"""Your resume lists the skills 'poor timing' & 'awkward'?"" Can I have a raise? ""We haven't hired you."" Oh. You're very handsome. ""I see."""

"We should stop making jokes out of Harambe Those jokes are dead anyways"

"Wanna hear a pedophile joke? You're never to young to get it. :^)"

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world. People who understand binary and people who don't."

"I saw some guy stealing my front gate... -""I saw some guy stealing my front gate."" -""Didn't you say anything?"" -""No, I thought he'd take a fence."""