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Joke of the Day

"If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him Sparta, that way I can introduce him as ""This is SPARTA!!!"""

"Forrest Gump came out 20 years ago. Can you believe that?! Of course you can because you're not an idiot who doesn't know how time works."

"My body is a temple but only because it hates Palestine"

"If Betty White killed someone, I wouldn't turn her in."

"Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?"

"You don't really know someone until you get drunk with them."

"Congratulations are in order. I just got the stitches in the roof of my mouth removed from that bowl of Cap'n Crunch I had when I was 13."

"Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia"

"Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem."

"5 Second Fiction Thirty Two Yes she had once said ""Not if you were the last man on Earth"" but Barry was sure the actual Apocalypse had changed that."