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Joke of the Day

"Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?"

"Just got home from the doctor, apparently I have a couple of kidney stones... It should be okay though, he told me that *these two shall pass.*"

"What's a clown's favorite thing to eat? Really anything that's heavy enough to beat somebody to death with, such as a motorcycle helmet or a cannonball."

"What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife? He gets hammered and she gets nailed."

"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"

"26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."

"My favourite position in bed...... The side nearest the socket so i can play with my phone while it's charging"

"I invented a new word! React!"

"What does a girl want more than anything? Nothing. She is fine."

"Job interviewer: ""Why do you want to join the Secret Service?"" Me: ""It's a secret."" Job interviewer: ""You got the job."""