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Joke of the Day

"If someone approaches you and offers you a Black Eyed Peas album, remain calm. You have just encountered a member of the Black Eyed Peas."

"How many militant feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick."

"*walks into bank* THIS IS A ROBBERY *people drop to the floor* JUST KIDDING, BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE LISTENING *lowers guns* A TOMATO IS A FRUIT"

"A homeless guy outside played the Braveheart theme on a recorder. Pretty awesome. Not as awesome as having a house, but still, AWESOME."

"Why did the Founding Fathers hire accountants from Prague? They needed a system of Czechs and balances."

"Women who get kidnapped while jogging: you're not jogging fast enough"

"I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead."

"My wife is like a desert wind She rarely blows, but when she does it's dry."

"I got stopped by a woman in the street today. She said, ""Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"" I said, ""Yes, she's nearly 2 now."""

"Donald Trump doesn't want to have sex with his daughter He just has ""alternative family values"""