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Joke of the Day

"I got stopped by a woman in the street today. She said, ""Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"" I said, ""Yes, she's nearly 2 now."""

"I'm on a whiskey diet. You should try it, I've lost 3 days already."

"I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I'm in."

"If laziness were an olympic discipline... ... I'd want to finish 4th so I wouldn't have to climb the medals podium..."

"After I got divorced, my former wife told me about a movie she gave 2 thumbs up that I should definitely take the kids to see. I told her, ""That wouldn't be appropriate. That movie is ex-rated"""

"Two eggs and a strip of bacon walk into a bar The bartender looks at them and says, ""Sorry - we don't serve breakfast here."""

"Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist...? Did you hear about the Mexican terrorist who planted a bomb on the train? He had loco motives."

"The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating"

"According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it..."

"You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list."