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Joke of the Day

"What did the man who ate a clock say? That was time consuming but I still want seconds."

"Just got 30 orange oval stickers printed that read NOW HAMSTER FREE I'm putting them on all the meatloaf packages in this supermarket"

"I bet we can get into some serious Treble together."

"Vegetarian: 'You know, a cow died so you could have that burger'. Me: 'Maybe he died because you keep eating all of his food'."

"How did the english teacher know his student was pregnant? She started missing periods"

"Date: So... Tinder, huh? Me: Yup. Date: ... Me: This is kind of awkward. Date: Maybe we should've used real pictures. Me: You think so, MOM?"

"The brochure for my new camera says that the shutter speed is so fast that you can photograph a hummingbirds wings in flight, or a woman with her mouth shut"

"Driving around Boston is like reading Choose your own Adventure... There are countless different paths to take, with most leading to failure or death, and only a few leading to success."

"Arguing with your parents is like trying to explain how to download music from iTunes to a plant."

"And on the third day, Jesus came back. Because he accidentally left one of his edge trimmers in my backyard."