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Joke of the Day
"Actually saw two young people talking today. Parents must have grounded them from their phones."
Next Joke
"You can eat a huge bag of cashews right in front of a cop and he can't do shit about it because cashews aren't illegal."
"I once asked a friend what he would do if the world was going to end. He told me he would fuck anything that moves. He then asked me the same question. I told him I'd stand very very still."
"I like my women like I like my pizza... ...hot, cheap, and on the go."
"Why is Hillary running for president? Because it's easier than running from law enforcement"
"How to turn your dishwasher into a snowblower. Hand her a shovel!"
"which is the Beyonce song where it's like we're independent but also you should marry us but like we're super-strong but also pay our bills"
"What doesn't kill you just makes you injured and really pissed off."
"What's better than winning a Silver Medal at the Paralympics? Not being disabled."
"""She's not THAT pretty."" is girl code for ""She's so pretty and I hate her."""