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Joke of the Day

"left my laptop bag at a restaurant last night and today i went to pick it up and the lady asked what was inside to verify that it's mine,"

"*walks into a brothel* ""yes I'd like some broth"""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Why?' To get to the idiots house! (Immediately follow up with this) Knock knock 'Who's there?' A chicken!"

"A guy goes to the doctor Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating. Guy: Really, doc?! Like, forever? Doctor: No, just for a few minutes, so I can examine you."

"I prayed to God for a handbag and he gave it to me It's a blessing and a purse."

"""You know what they say about blind prostitutes?"" ...""You've really got to hand it to them."" -Fred Willard"

"Do you remember the first ass you ever saw? I do, it spat in my face and almost kicked me in the head!"

"I hate being the only drunk person at the party It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!"

"I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head."

"What do you call a Kardassian on a boat? ...A sea Gul"