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Joke of the Day

"How do you describe the facial features of a man who shaves with sculpting tools? Chiseled."

"Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant? Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car."

"TIL that black eyes are hereditary You get them from your father if you drink his last beer."

"I'll pay extra for the hairdresser comfortable with silence."

"How do you power a fleshlight? With sexual batteries!"

"wife *resting after surgery* me wife me [holding flowers and a Transformers birthday balloon] They didn't have any that said ""Get Well Soon"""

"You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone."

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? I heard it's very time consuming."

"I will let someone cut the line I'm waiting in, but only if they let me braid their hair from behind."

"What do you call the useless skin around the vagina? The woman."