138559

Joke of the Day

"The mother of all Dad jokes. Dad: *Picks up caterpillar* I'll name him Hans! Person: ""Why?"" Dad: ""Because he's got lots of Hans!"""

"People whose TL is only quotes from famous people---You do realize you're not a desk calendar, right?"

"Security frantically searching my pockets not realizing I'm stealing the trench coat"

"What did the blondes left leg say to her right? Nothing... They've never met"

"The difference between ""like"" ""love"" and ""in love"" is the same as the difference between ""for now"" ""for a while"" and ""forever"""

"PHIL COLLINS: Here tonight is the man who inspired my next song, ""Fat Shithead Clogged My Toilet."" [spotlight tracks me as I head for Exit]"

"wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us"

"A chemist walks into a bar and orders a glass of h2o... The next guy in line says, ""I'll have a glass of h2o, too."" He died shortly after."

"Someone stole my identity. And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said ""So sorry man. Hope things work out."""