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Joke of the Day

"How can you make a small fortune? start with a big one"

"Angela Merkel arrives in Athens airport. ""Nationality?"" asks the immigration officer. ""German,"" she replies. ""Occupation?"" ""No, just here for a few days"

"If you wake up tomorrow with Santa jacking off at your bedside, do not be alarmed. He is giving you a white Christmas"

"Did you hear about the magician who became a farmer? ...he was driving his tractor down the road, and suddenly, he turned into a field."

"Yes officer, I did hit a pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I've missed?"

"I'm wearing a burqa, fencing mask, & a welding helmet while reading a book on cannibalism & an old lady on the bus still wants to chat."

"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."

"It's really easy to be picky on Tinder... Sometimes I swipe left just because I have dirt on my screen."

"Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s"

"What do you do when you drop your favorite ska record? PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP, PICK IT UP!"