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Joke of the Day

"The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It's like he doesn't realize I'm married."

"If we are what we eat... ...children in Africa don't exist."

"A man from out of town walks into a bar... ...the locals know to duck."

"What has two thumbs and got laid last night? My hands."

"What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys? Leave my presents"

"What do you call a zoo enclosure without any change? A nickeless cage."

"Someone asked a ship captain if the rumor that he can't swim is true. ""Yes,"" he replied. ""Can pilots fly?"""

"I got lit with my Tibetan friend once Once."

"Sometimes things are not what they appear. Just because I am sitting with an open book doesn't mean that I am studying."

"Why was epsilon afraid of zeta? Because zeta eta theta."