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Joke of the Day

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control... I thought to myself Well, this changes everything"

"(For Ents) So the D.E.A filed a report So the D.E.A filed a report about the Old lady who swallowed the Fly. Turns out Flies are a Gateway Bug"

"Q: What does a turkey do when he flies upside down? A: He gobbles up."

"would you like to come on our quiz show? you could win 2,000,000? [imagines spending the entire show standing up] ""no thanks"""

"What Did Kid Davis Say To The Lesbian Melons? you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to, but i certainly didn't steal it."

"They tell you to wear layers on a day like this, but I always end up uncomfortably warm in this suit of lasagna."

"""Once you go on the grass it is really hard to get out of it"". - my six year old nephew while playing NFS. I was like i know exactly what you are talking about!! ;)"

"This is overexaggerated. 1/x"

"What did one saggy boob say to the other? We better get some support soon, or people are gonna mistake us for nuts."

"So what if I don't have a perfect body?! I'm way better off than I was when I started. Ya know, a baby that used to shit his pants. I do that way less now."