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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to have a kid but I'm not sure I'm ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are."

"Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant? Because he was Messi"

"What do triangles do in the summer? They tan."

"We used to have a woman at my school who educated us about life in a certain east Asian country She was our Korea officer"

"I made my girlfriend cry the other day. I called her son a bloody disappointment. Apparently she's very sensitive about her miscarriage."

"Alright white people, had to Google ""totes"" to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out."

"Margaret Thatcher has only been in hell for half a day... ...but she's already sorted out Satan's budget deficit, busted up the demons' union and made Hitler cry during a debate."

"Don't put all my eggs in one basket? Nice try, basket industry."

"Did you hear about the guy that was accused of using his boss's hand soap as lube for masturbating? He came clean."

"A Chinese man goes to the eye doctor And the doctor says ""you have a cataract"" The Chinese man replys ""no I have a Rinkin continental"" Stolen from Gilbert Gottfried."