137520

Joke of the Day

"Obama is the epitome of why Americans are so racist Just another soon-to-be unemployed black man, evicted from his house, and living on government money."

"[orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?"

"Wife: ""Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?"" ! Husband: ""Because I don't want to wake you."""

"How do you titilate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot."

"According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me."

"[studying beached whale] its a new species bill think of a name ok um *surfer walks by* yo killer whale dude *biologists look at each other*"

"I've got an Intracranial Embolism... ...at least, that's what my doctor told him when I mentioned that I had Bad Blood stuck in my head."

"Donald Trumps favorite movie is E. T. Because the fucking alien went back home!"

"Why is Diego's slogan ""Go Diego Go"" It was the last thing his mother said before she got shot by the border patrol"

"So a blind man walks into a fish market... When he gets in he stops takes a big ol wiff and says,""Good morning ladies!"""