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Joke of the Day
"Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture"
Next Joke
"Planning on starting a restaurant called 'Cobalt 60'. Food will obviously be something to die for."
"What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker? One of them starts a religion after it gets nailed."
"ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight? HER: no not yet!! i'm totally free and available ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do"
"An unsung legacy of Bill Clinton's presidency is that since he left office, no sitting President has shot a load on a non-spouse."
"WHATS UP!! WHATS UP!!! All the bulimic bitches in the house say ""BLAAARRGGGH!!!"""
"I plan to swim all the way to Paris my friends think I'm In-Seine."
"You mean there's another way to eat toast besides hunched over the sink like a fucking criminal??"
"What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies."
"Lightbulb replacement..... How many black women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them-----no one wants to be the charcoal-colored one."