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Joke of the Day

"Big news! Obama read my tweets and appointed me Secretary of Swagriculture"

"What's the weather like in the ghetto? A little muggy."

"Just heard a weird noise from the other room, but refuse to call out ""Is anyone there?"" I've seen the movies...those people always die!"

"I'm not a doctor but I know adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant."

"What's red, and bad for your teeth? A brick."

"I'm a scientist that's researching beastiality between humans and dogs You'll find me in my lab"

"[job int] ""Under skills u put 'not being afraid of pigeons'."" [nervously shifts in chair] ""That's right. Why? Do any pigeons work here?"""

"What do politicians and diapers have in common? Both need to be changed for the same reason."

"Cooking is actually really easy for anyone to do It's just that most people don't have thyme."

"In my experience there's two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way."