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Joke of the Day

"[job int] ""Under skills u put 'not being afraid of pigeons'."" [nervously shifts in chair] ""That's right. Why? Do any pigeons work here?"""

"Where do computer scientists go to have a drink? To the foobar."

"Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?"

"Come a little closer so I can push you away. Women"

"I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal."

"I read in my girlfriend's diary...... that I have real trust issues!! What a bunch of BS..."

"People who write hai and bai, wai?"

"My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like. So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone."

"What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up? Oh My Gourd!"

"How do you get a hippy chick pregnant? Cum on her birkenstocks and let the flies do the rest"