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Joke of the Day

"Why did the woman cross the road? Good fucking question, I need to get stronger locks for the home dungeon."

"My tweets may contain typos because English is not my first language--my first language was baby talk, and babies are horrible writers."

"I think I could get behind Trump... 's wife."

"We're all born with scars. from the moment we open our eyes and look at the world we are wounded, we all share that same mark... Bellybuttons."

"According to all these ""note to self"" sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean"

"The winds of change can blow me."

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job."

"Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? One is under buck fifty one is under a buck."

"Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day."

"Well. Now I'm beginning to think Toyota is doing this on purpose. Like they're getting back at people for making jokes about Asian drivers."