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Joke of the Day

"What do turtles do for fun? Play hide and shell."

"What's blue and gold and comes in brownies? Cub Scouts."

"Girls who draw their eyebrows on may as well do them with a disappointed expression because yeah no thanks."

"Cop: You know why I pulled you over? M: Speeding? C: No! M: Not using my blinker? C: No! M: Because I'm drunk? Cop: Sir get off the mower!"

"My grandma coined the term ""TC"" in 1988 to refer to her tuna casserole."

"My spirit animal is a parasite that swims up your pee hole and plants an egg sac using its hook-like barbs."

"Best amputation jokes? Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run ""I'd give my left arm"" and ""Single-handedly"" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes."

"What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess? Shrekmate."

"[Being kidnapped] Me: i can feel it.. Stockholm syndrome kidnapper: its been 10 minutes me: should we invite your brother to the wedding?"

"""Bedroom"" is an anagram of ""Boredom"" I found that out while I was having sex with my wife"