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Joke of the Day
"So the business man turned into a priest... He talks alot about his new profit!"
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"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face."
"This termite walks into a bar... And says ""Where's the bar tender?"
"What are your thoughts on new soup technology? I say Progresso at any cost."
"I handed a blind guy a sheet of sandpaper. He said he couldn't read the fine print."
"We only speak to our two year old with a British accent. She's going to be the coolest kindergartner in Kansas."
"How does a Snowman get to work? By icicle."
"Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms."
"What do you call a female accountant? An accountant you sexist fucker."
"My girlfriend must think that I'm John Cena. She told me she's not seeing me anymore."