197044

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms."

"What do you get when you cross Miley Cyrus with an alligator? A caiman like a wrecking ball."

"Why did Marlin and Dory never date? Dory was played by Ellen Degeneres."

"Who built King Arthur's round table Sir Cumference"

"I don't know why people get embarrassed when they take a magazine to the toilet, you should see the looks I get when I take my plunger."

"They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder."

"What did the polygamist horse get on his wedding night? A double bridle"

"LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: ""I Did The Murder."" JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed"

"What do gay carpenters say... I'd tap that!"

"What did the judge say to the repeat sex offender at his arraignment? [Damn, Daniel - back at it again with the white van.](http://therealcape.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/white-van-png.jpg)"