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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""I'm going to bed, honey."" Husband: ""Okay, sweetheart. I'll go get you a tylenol."" Wife: ""But why? I don't have a headache."" Husband: ""Great! Let's fuck."""

"A nurse puts her hand in her pocket and finds a rectal thermometer... ""Oh no! Some ass hole has my pen"""

"I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?"

"''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde. ''No'' said the brunette. ''Okay'' said the blonde ''you start.''"

"What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag? The French flag!"

"What is black, autist and takes about 9 months to grow. Non of your concern."

"Online dating rule: If we meet up offline, and you look nothing like your pictures, then you're buying me drinks until you do."

"When in doubt, mumble."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office is in big trouble. You have my Word."

"What are the pros and cons of wearing two watches? On one hand, you have a watch... But on the other hand, you have a watch."