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Joke of the Day

"[nervously speeding up as I drive my date past a Taco Bell] SIRI: At frequent destination. Set this address as 'Home' address?"

"A poet and a logician were found dead earlier this week. They say the killer had no rhyme or reason."

"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school."

"Did you hear about that synthetic type of weed they made using dog hair? Instead of k2, they call it k9."

"My inability to pronounce Spanish names makes me sad, and I'm not even Jaoquin."

"whats the best thing about an ethiopian blowjob? they always swallow"

"Honey, I have good news,and bad news Which one do you want to hear first? -Tell me the good news. -You' re gonna become an aunt."

"My girlfriend asked me what I feel about being with her. I told her what I truly feel. Numbness radiating down my left arm."

"Why are there no penguins in Britain? They're scared of Wales."