136359

Joke of the Day

"[roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you ""why not"" why would you ""it'll be fine"" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]"

"Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often goes unnoticed. It's science."

"What PC does Adele use? A Dell."

"What's black and never works? Decaf coffee."

"The difference between ""like"" ""love"" and ""in love"" is the same as the difference between ""for now"" ""for a while"" and ""forever"""

"Why do actors like snooker halls? Because that's where they get their best cues."

"Budweiser is a lot like sex on the beach; It's fucking close to water."

"What does the snicker say to the other snicker? DEEZ NUTZ, Ha! Goteem!"

"Where do ISIS fighters go to purchase soda and candy? Allahu snackbar!"

"I used to hang out with a guy who was covered in mushrooms. He was an all around fun guy."