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Joke of the Day

"[Putting petrol in car] 19.95 19.96 19.97 [stops] [gently now] 19.98 [very gently] 19.99 [ok, once more] [deep breath] 37.83 GODDAMMIT"

"Why can trains go for longer than cars? Because cars get tyred but trains do not, with the exception of Rubber-tyred metro systems."

"What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS? IsIs? Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !"

"why did the Mexican man push his wife off of a clif? to-quila"

"Do you remember blowing Bubbles as a child? He told me to tell you see said hello."

"what do you call a turtle dressed as a guido a slowbro"

"What's the secret ingredient in Bush's Baked Beams? Jetfuel."

"Give a man a jacket, and he'll be warm for a week. Teach a man to jacket, and he'll stay inside for months."

"I hate working with Jewish fishermen. They always ask me: ""What's your net worth?"""

"Are you a cat person or a person person?"