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Joke of the Day

"Tonight I'm going to party like it's 1999 Because back then the worst thing I had to worry about was just a computer glitch destroying civilization."

"What does Miller Light and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"What do you call an elf wearing earmuffs? Anything you want. He can't hear you."

"men are so polite woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."

"How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"What's the longest sentence in the English language? I do."

"""Would you like to partake in resistance training?"" ""No."" ""That's what I like to hear."""

"I'm seriously disappointed by /r/goldbenefits. Not even one name appeared in the Panama papers."

"Free Tibet with the purchase of a Tibet of equal or lesser value."

"What did the one volcano say to the other volcano? Do you lava me like I lava you. It's beautiful."