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Joke of the Day

"What's an empty suit of armor doing on the drivers side of a car? He went out for the knight. OK I'll leave now"

"I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses."

"Steve Irwin died as he lived... With animals in his heart."

"Does anyone else find it ironic when a celebrity with a face full of Botox talks about having the freedom of expression?"

"Yea autocorrect....I wanna luck your puddy and flick you in the asks. Perfect"

"Yes hello 911, I put a smaller microwave inside a bigger microwave and now there's a wormhole in my kitchen"

"What did the Father of Judaism sleep on? An Abra-Hammock I'm sorry"

"Sikh turban dude"

"It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book. A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It's a vast improvement."

"[in ambulance] ""Can you describe the snake that bit you?"" Yes it was like an angry rope"