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Joke of the Day

"It's Saturday! Go for a walk! Pay your bills! Take up smoking! Shave a loved one! Steal a baby!"

"Found an old playboy from the 70's last night, I wonder why they didn't call it hair club for men..."

"Welcome to twitter, the support group for people who like people who don't like people."

"Our Office Needs A 3D Printer Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three copies of an office key. The guy returned ten minutes later with the copies ... which he'd made on the Xerox machine."

"As I waved my gun in their faces, I thought to myself ""What kinda weird bank has children, clowns, presents, & balloons all over the place?"""

"Jokes in English Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k but I don't think I can run that far."

"I think I might be a wizard... every time I push open a door it becomes ajar."

"Why does Teller piss everyone off when he leaves a party? Goes without saying"

"Whats the difference between a zombie and baby? A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams."