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Joke of the Day

"Stuck between ""that was awesome"" and ""OMG do you need medical attention"" wherever I walk off the dance floor"

"luke: yoda, i wish for........ your freedom yoda: i'm not a genie. i'm a person like you. i just look really weird"

"Did you hear about the Jewish kamikaze pilot? He crashed his plane onto his brothers scrap metal yard."

"Yes, life is meaningless, but some of the food is decent."

"My mom nearly had a stroke in a strip club last night..... But she couldn't quite reach."

"Somewhere in an alternative universe a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince"

"Short self made joke, pretty offensive. Did you hear about the cannibal who is a vegetarian? Yea, he only eats vegetables."

"Government - 'Um, we're having big issues with tax evasion. People are stashing away notes with large denominations.' Modi: 'Have you tried turning them off and and on again?'"

"I went on a date last night!nIt went really well...up until the moment the couple realized I was following them & promptly called the cops."

"Dreading the day that all my present and past roommates figure out that I haven't bought my own body wash in 10 years."