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Joke of the Day

"Tomato basil soup is a fancy way of making people drink pizza sauce."

"Love it how music can take you to another place . For example, One direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one."

"I always get told off when introducing my wife... Apparently, the label 'ex-girlfriend' is highly inappropriate."

"To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one."

"*loses faith in humanity* ""this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships"""

"What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels..."

"Did you hear about the HVAC technicians who got into an argument? At first it was heated, but they got some fresh air then things cooled off"

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."

"I'm writing a story about a Pirate who sells corn... It's about a buccaneer."

"My drug dealer is hilarious... he cracks me up"