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Joke of the Day

"When someone says ""The last thing I'd want to do is hurt you"", I'm wondering why they have a list of things to do that includes hurting me."

"My friends that majored in English always tell me the same thing Welcome to Starbucks!"

"Whats your favourite brand of beer? When i was younger, i used to drink any brand of beer, but now i am older Budweiser"

"I invented a new word Plagiarism"

"Asked my dad to pass me a screwdriver. So he gave me a double vodka and orange juice."

"I don't have a gf, but I do know a woman who in the car often asks where this is going so I show her the GPS & she gets mad for some reason."

"What is an astronaut's favorite meal? *Launch*"

"Which of the following words does not belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob? Blowjob. You can beat your meat, eggs, and wife; but you can't beat a blowjob."

"I told my cat all about Chairman Mao this morning Now she won't shut up about him!"

"You can never trust the cat family..... The head of the family is always a lion, and his cousin is a cheetah. (Lying and cheater, for those whom need this explained)."