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Joke of the Day

"Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart"

"My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with."

"What is the difference between an Israeli and an Israelite? Israelites contain about 20% less fat."

"What is the most prudent thing to do when someone is having an epileptic seizure in a hot tub? Throw in your laundry."

"What did the Mexican say when I pushed him on the lawn? Grassy Ass!"

"I was relieved when the cop gave me a ticket for driving without headlights. I thought I was going blind."

"I was always told by my father to fight fire with fire... ...And that's how he got kicked out of the fire brigade."

"SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever happened to my three younger brothers? WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox"

"How to get the pussy: 1. go to the animal shelter 2. adopt a kitten 3. show your female friends 4. they fall in love with the kitten 5. they fall in love with you 6. slammed with pussy"

"They're not called ""butt hole mirrors."" They're called ""hand mirrors,"" according to this clerk at Walgreens."