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Joke of the Day

"Why are girls so good at punctuation? Because they remember to never skip a period!"

"Kissing is weird as hell. ""Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."""

"What's the downside to bigamy? More than one mother-in-law."

"What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians? A drummer."

"What did the fucking zombie say? Crack whores."

"How is it that my kids can never find their own shoes but... Easily find the one ice cream sandwich I hid behind the peas in the freezer."

"Just burned 2000 calories That's the last time I'll leave brownies in the oven while I nap"

"Paramount is making a movie about a pair of Chinese race car drivers... It's called ""Two Wongs Don't Make a Right"""

"Did you hear about the guy who got a boner during a wine tasting? It turned out it was only a semillon"

"why cant Paul Walker use tumblr? He only sticks to the dashboard"