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Joke of the Day

"I moved to LA 9 months ago and I've just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot."

"are oranges named orange because they're orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange shit idk"

"Good Cop: step away from the ledge Cat Cop [pushes person off] oops"

"Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's"

"Why did the polish spy fail in his mission to blow up Hitlers car. He kept burning his lips on the muffler."

"Looking for new roommates on Craigslist... ...is it too anal to ask whether or not they're into it?"

"A double amputee has escaped from the mental asylum I wouldn't worry too much, he's armless."

"Chernobyl Have you ever seen Ronald Reagan's response to the Chernobyl incident? He thought the Russians were just ""overreacting."""

"Sure, I can teach you about fractions, kid. Just remember this: There is a very fine line between the numerator and the denominator."

"Yes, 911?... Yeah, this guy is wearing green-colored skinny jeans and he has a really hot girlfriend. So do I judge him...or her?"