134539

Joke of the Day

"Hardest part of being a vegan What's the hardest part of being a vegan? Waking up at 5 to milk the almonds."

"Why are so many African Americans moving to Detroit? Because they hear there are no jobs there."

"""STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not fucked his wife."""

"Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them ""Have you seen this person?"" and pull out a picture of yourself"

"Whenever I go to McDonalds, they always ask me ""What can I get you?"" and I always say ""Give me a second."" And they always give me the number two."

"Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat."

"What does an Eskimo do if his house falls down? Igloos it back together."

"Dirty joke Do you know who the biggest whore in history is? Mrs. Pacman. For a quarter, that bitch would swallow balls 'till she died."

"My girlfriend broke up with me after I said she's half the person I am... I weigh 240 pounds, not sure why she got so mad."

"What do you call a fat Taylor Swift? Taylor not so Swift"