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Joke of the Day

"Apparently there is a way to permanently remove memories But I forgot it."

"A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call"

"What is the difference between a divorce and a hurricane in the south? Nothing, someone is losing a trailer!"

"[trying to avoid awkward silence on first date] you ever see a horse throw up? ""no"" *smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*"

"Her cup size will determine how long the hug will last!"

"We're going to build a great wall to keep the inspirational tweets out. And Facebook is going to pay for it. Make Twitter Great Again."

"Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited. She asked if it was a search party :("

"new antidepressant for lesbians has just been unveiled. Tricoxagan."

"It's difficult to imagine someone stealing your Viagra prescription. . . But really it wouldn't be hard."

"[halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*"