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Joke of the Day

"Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for ""coffee,"" first make sure she has coffee, you don't want to get up there and there's no coffee."

"Senator John Tester from Montana and his executive assistant both have only seven fingers. That is so hot!"

"Why did the man quit working at the cemetery? It was hard to make a living."

"This year I'm going to put the mistletoe in my back pocket, so people I hate can kiss my ass."

"All parents should give corporal punishment to their kids. You don't want the white kid to feel left out at school, when everyone is telling the ass whooping they got last night."

"Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is ""married.""nLike that's gonna stop me!"

"So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The road crossed him first, man. The road crossed him first. *This should be delivered in your best ""tough guy"" voice.*"

"Why are there fences around a graveyard? People are dying to get in."

"You can tuck a carrot into bed , but it won't know what you are doing because he's a carrot"