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Joke of the Day

"Silence is Golden, except when coming from children... Then you'd better go check to see what's broken."

"Why do tennis players never get married? Because Love means nothing to them."

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowplow? Get the bitch a shovel."

"What do you call Batman when he skips church? Christian Bale."

"What do you call someone who's both a Seahawks fan and a LOTR fan? A twelf"

"If I said I was the king of the jungle, I'd be lion to you."

"If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be... ...I'd still be below average."

"Why do hipsters always burn their mouth when they eat? BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO EAT BEFORE IT WAS COOL!"

"This sentence contains exactly threeee erors. The third error? The fact that there are only two errors. The fourth error? Running this gag."

"What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!"