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Joke of the Day

"If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be... ...I'd still be below average."

"I made a belt from all of my old watches last night It was such a waist of time"

"Why did the flume ride need repairs? Because it got waterlogged."

"All of Ariel's mer-sisters' names started with A too. More like keeping up with the Karsplashians."

"How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw it in, one to call the media and publicize and one to blame the Democrats on the electric bill."

"How is a 9 volt battery and a woman's anus similar You know it's wrong, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it"

"Why does your sister have yeast and shoe polish for breakfast ? Because she wants to rise and shine."

"Never date a philosophy major My last girlfriend was one and she spent most of her time trying to prove that I didn't exist"

"Something is fishy do crabs think fish are flying?"

"""Forgive me father, for I have pinned."""