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Joke of the Day
"*gets crushed by a bus* *checks to see if phone is intact*"
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"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs...they screw in dirty sleeping bags."
"I asked my dad what he thinks of Nihilism... He said, ""Does it matter?"""
"What do you call? What do you call nuts on a wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on a chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on a chin? A dick in the mouth"
"Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?"
"Teacher: did your father help you with your homework? Student: no he did it all by himself"
"""woofwoof, woof"" -my neighbor's dog telling me his views on politics lol you gotta look at both sides tho fam"
"After growing a beard for two months I decided to shave it off. I must be a man now, because boy did that put hair on my chest!"
"My wife just told me she loves her man more than anything in the world. I don't know where you are buddy, but I'm gonna find you and and kick your ass."
"You know what most people hate about ambiguity? Stuff."