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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."

"What's the difference between a shi-tzu and a community organizer? Zu."

"Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance."

"Nice eyebrows girlfriend. I didn't know they made Sharpies in that color."

"What do you call an Irishman sitting on your front porch? Paddy O'Furniture"

"My Grandpa said, ""Your generation relies too much on technology!"" I replied, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology!"" Then I unplugged his life support."

" Client not paid? Add opacity to the body tag and increase it every day until their site completely fades away"

"Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work."

"If you really want people to notice you, be a typo."

"I accidentally pooped my pants during a 5 hour long company meeting today. It was super embarassing, but a man's gotta doo when a man's gotta doo."