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Joke of the Day
"When your momma taught you to look both ways she didn't mean be two faced."
Next Joke
"If you love someone, just tell them. Or get drunk and ""Like"" a whole bunch of their stuff on Facebook in a short period of time.....same shit."
"What did the diver say to the oyster? I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!"
"I used to play water polo But I had to stop when my horse drowned"
"What do you call a mushroom with a 12 in stem? A fungi to hang out with"
"Caucasian Half-Cauc, Half-Asian"
"Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi. So I'm forcekin."
"*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* ""Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."""
"Why did the yoga pants come in last place? They were bringing up the rear."
"Last night I got too drunk and sensibly took a bus home Pretty proud of myself...Never drove a bus before."