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Joke of the Day

"Him:You married? Me:Aww You think I'm that pretty? H:Ma'am just filling out your pape- M:SO I'M UGLY? H:I'll tell the therapist to hurry"

"While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my crotch I've never been so touched on an emotional level."

"Get ahead at the office by taking work home with you over the weekend. No need to work on it just make sure people see you take it home..."

"Did you guys hear about the kidnapping in Jacksonvillle? He woke up."

"We only use 10% of our brains because the other 90% is busy regretting saying ""You too!"" to a waiter after he said ""Enjoy your meal."""

"Why did Jim die from eating at an Italian restaurant? Because he asked for 'ebola spaghetti'"

"My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performance on a scale of 1-10, last night we tried anal she kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"How do hispanics cut a pizza? Little Caesars"

"Satan has a facebook account, apparently."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. Its not like I have 2020 vision. Sad part is this joke is only good for another hour."