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Joke of the Day

"Sex has a speed limit It's 68, because when you get to 69 you have to turn around"

"Every time I try to pick up chicks a description of my car ends up on the news."

"[Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* ""When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."""

"China has one of the largest manufacturing and exporting economies in the world. What product of theirs is most commonly exported? Newborn girls."

"15 Is The Age Where You Either Look Like 11 Or 25."

"I'm tired of the Mexicans naming their sons Jesus Jesus was not a Mexican, he was a human being. (Please forgive me)"

"Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential."

"Q: What did the judge say about the man shot twelve times by the police? A: The most horrific suicide scenario I have ever heard of."

"The other day my buddy asked me if I wanted a warm Budweiser I replied, "" No its fine, I brought my own piss, ill just drink that. """

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?"