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Joke of the Day

"[Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* ""When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."""

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"What do you call a bunch of furries, an all girls volleyball meet, and a video game tournament? Genesis 3."
"Knock knock -Who's there? -Ala -Ala who? -AKBAR"
"If I had a dollar for every maths exam I failed I'd have about $6.50 right now"
"Someone told this at a Disney campground. What's large, gray, and comes in quarts? An Elephant."
"If someone who speaks 2 languages is Bilingual, whats someone who speaks 1 called? American. EDIT: My first post on Reddit and I get 1000+ up votes, thanks so much!!!"
"I'm Skyping your mom right now I've got both monitors up so she can fit."
"""NOAH. YOU WILL BUILD AN ARK"" k ""NOT ""K"" THIS IS IMPORTANT"" Sorry ""THATS OK. TAKE 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL ON IT"" Even fish? *THUNDER* ""NO NOT FISH"
"Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff"
"Calm down, Windows Update. I'll restart my computer during work time."