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Joke of the Day

"For Christmas this year, I decided to go all out and ask Santa for something black and shiny and will go 0 to 300 in 2 seconds. I got a scale."

"What do you call a German with no good inside? Guten free."

"Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since LAST Friday."

"If you're going to bother Google with a search, it is polite to type ""excuse me"" first."

"I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a girl. Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly."

"If I want to check instructions and it's in Spanish, .. .. am I checking a Manuel?"

"Another shitty joke Don't mistake me for a fool! I'm just a half."

"What did Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Nelson Mandela all have in common? They're all criminals."

"here come the bitches starting their winturrrrrr2012<3 facebook photo albums."

"Knock Knock... 1.Knock knock. Whos there? Yoda lady. Yoda lady who? Good job yodeling! 2.Knock knock. Whos there? Well, not your parents, because your parents never knock!"