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Joke of the Day

"I'm confused, if all these rappers really are the genuine article like they claim, then who are all these phonies they keep talking about?"

"What do you call a kitten crying on the grass in the back yard? A lawn mewer. (I wrote this yesterday)."

"M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?"

"In 1979, a call coming from inside the house was a reason for terror. In 2014, it means one of you is too lazy to shout or come downstairs."

"What type of math is dead? Aerith-matic.."

"My mate Sid had his ID stolen. ""So now i just call him S"""

"What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body? My dick."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, I have that vinyl at home."

"My local psychic closed down... ..due to unforeseen circumstances"

"I tried to eat a clock... ...but it was very time consuming."