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Joke of the Day

"Why do baby boomers like fracking so much? Because figuratively breaking the country apart isn't enough."

"just got my deaf friend drunk and he's slurring fingers so bad right now"

"Why did Jon Snow go to the Apple Store? For the Watch."

"*phone rings* ""Yeh hi who's this? Sure he's here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u."" ""Who is it?"" ""Drastic Times"" *crowd goes wild*"

"What is the worst about having alzheimer's and dierrhea? You're running but don't know where to."

"My life is a result of ""it seemed like a good idea at the time."""

"I wrote a book It's called Oceans 2: The Seaquel"

"A zombie walks into a bar and the bartender says... ""Get a life."""

"You never realize how much you love sleeping until you have to wake up in the morning."